Christmas 2014

"A trip to Bok Tower Gardens today"?
My husband asks soon we were on the road to Lake Wales.
It only took me 30 minutes to pack the
luggage and fix our lunch to take along
and
off we went!
With a GPS and no traffic we made it in under three
hours.
Upon our late in the day arrival, we noticed that the parking
lot at Bok Tower Gardens was emptying. We were delighted
to park our car in one of the front rows.
Our arrival time of 2:45 PM was just right.
We were able to enter the visitor center and receive a map to
the towers and get and get some suggestions
from the volunteer clerk and then we were off
and running!
Seemed like people from all over the world were
here. In particular languages like Spanish and Japanese
were spoken. On our "run" to the tower we noticed healthy plants
and colorful flowers. The path to the tower was on an incline and Don
seemed to enjoy the pace, while I was a little out of
breath as the fast pace of nearly a jog was getting to me.
The chimes began at the top of the hour and we made it with
a minute to spare.
Since we were only interested in the bell tower,we had hurried our way
but even though the entire area was filled with maybe two hundred people,
we easily found a bench to listen to the chimes. (Chimes is not a good word
as some of the bells weigh two tons. Think Hunchback of Notre Dame!)
After 6 months of anticipation, I couldn't wait. We just listened and smiled and
listened some more....until I just had to say it. I was disappointed
as bells sounded out of tune! Then I whispered in Don's ear and jokingly said
that the music sounded like a little kid banging away on a toy piano on Christmas morning.
Also, the music was not at all familiar till towards the end of the thirty minutes.
Disney tunes like: "When you wish upon a star" and then the Mary Poppins "Spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down".
Other than that, it didn't sound like a real melody. That being said, I have to cut the carrion player some slack as:
Later we took the time to read the map/flyer and found that the "concert" sounded better from afar.
Also after carefully reading the handout brochure, we discovered another part of the gardens to visit
at a future time, the 20 room mansion.
Now that we know the way to Lake Wales, we will be back. It was fun get out of Merritt Island and even though we were prepared to stay overnight and explore the town the next day, we decided not to as Lake Wales is really just several fancy malls and not a real town after all, so we decided to head home. Our stay
at the Bok Tower Gardens was one hour but it we had fun and we did have a chance to eat the
lunch I packed and the best part is we got to sleep in our own beds with a promise of another day trip tomorrow!

Part Three: On death and dying

Part three: (In a time of minimalism and living a simple lifestyle, why do people keep memorabilia?)

Here we standing around are in a room of people, soft conversations and the music keeps playing tunes. We hear over the speaker the country singer wail: “You’ve got to pick yourself up and keep on keeping on”.

Scott says follow me and like a line of school children we followed the leader into the room next door.This room next is 1,200 square feet and is filled with 6 or more round tables and chairs. There are cafeteria tables loaded up with catered food and drinks. Nobody says a word as we scan the room and then we turn and see the cake.

I can’t recall how the cake is decorated only the green and brown icing. On the wall directly above the cake is a display of a white karate uniform, top and bottom belted with Ted’s green belt and brown tips. (Ted had reached the level of one step below brown belt when he stopped training with us, twelve years ago.)

Whoever put this display up of treasured memorabilia was technically off. They had wrapped Ted’s belt around only once.

I said nothing. My husband said nothing and then:

Scott said: “Sensei Judy, I think my dad would have wanted you to fix the belt and

wrap it properly”.

This was in fact a terrible error but the lay person would never have noticed. So the three of us, because of this imperfection leaned in and attempted to make it perfect! As we carefully kept the length of the belt off the cake, we worked together tugging and pulling and fussing and at the same time we filled the room with stories about karate, Scott’s dad, my dad and then Don had some of his own Ted stories to tell.  We also spoke of where we were when we all heard the news of our different father’s passings and then the conversation turned to onward and upward, Scott’s plans for the future and what’s next for him and then we did the same.

It took awhile for us to fix the display and get everything just right and then we stepped back to admire our work. The belt was now correctly wrapped twice around with a perfect knot but there were traces of green icing on the pants.

I said: “Oh know…..we could fix this……we could turn the pants around.”

Scott said:

“It’s okay. Really, it’s okay. My dad would understand. My dad wasn’t a perfectionist but he would get the job done. In fact this looks like something my dad would have done! It’s really okay. Thank you.”

Soon it was time to go as Don and I had a karate class to teach so we said our good bys to Mary and we didn’t mention to Mary about how we fixed the karate belt and the joy of sharing stories with Scott.

On the way home we spoke about impermanence and the appreciation of being alive right now and how wonderful it was to connect after all these years with Scott. 

j

On death and dying Part two:

Part two: On death and dying

My family owned a funeral  parlor in New Jersey. Funerals were family  reunions, just like weddings. I remember from a very young age the food and connecting with the relatives. Being Irish, we would eat, drink and be merry!

Don and I arrived early and signed the guest book and proceeded to the viewing room. I didn't know what to expect.

A few people had already arrived.

Mary was sitting in a big chair and called us over immediately. Hugs, soft words and then introductions to the brother and a few others. She was very happy to see us and introduce us as Ted's Sensei.

Country music and Snoop dog played and the upbeat, calming tunes, gave me a feeling that Ted was with us. A video showed photo images of a life lived.

I had just seen Ted a month or so ago and I couldn't bring myself to approached him laid out in a coffin holding a microphone, even though to me he looked healthy and as if he were just asleep.

Don however approached the coffin and stood reflectively, then he walked back to where I was, standing by the brother.

Don said:

"He looks so peaceful, but why the microphone?"

The brother replied:

"Ted was an avid Ham radio operator, his whole life he enjoyed it as a hobby".

We chatted for awhile and found out that Ted had died of a heart attack.

He went fast.

Ted's son, Scott the little guy was now a big guy 22 years old.

Scott flew in from Idaho for the week. He grew up tall and thin

and he was wearing a bright red sweater with the sleeves pushed

up to his elbows. He reminded me of me when my father died, eyes

welling up with a red nose and unable to hold back the tears.

I gave Scott a hug and so did Don.

Mary said, Scott take them into the other room and show them Ted's

memorabilia and then me and Don followed Scott into the other room.

On death and dying: Part one

A story in three parts by Judy Barnhart, 8^th degree blackbelt Shorin-Ryu Karate USA under the direction of Grand Master Ansei Ueshiro

On death and dying:

Part one:

The Invite to the Wake.

I can still smell the lilly’s and the roses. Must be on my clothing or in my hair. We attended a wake for a former karate student yesterday. His wife called me a week ago to let me know he had passed.

She said:

“Ted would have wanted you to know. He always spoke about you and Sensei Barnhart and he never forgot what you taught him. He use to practice his kata and the karate gave him a whole new life. Karate helped dramatically with his back problems even though his doctor told him no.”

I was shocked. It’s never easy to hear that someone you remembered as healthy and happy is dead.

I told her:

“I’m so sorry. Ted just stopped by last month with a few friends to show them his karate school and I gave them the grand tour. Oh no.”

We hadn’t seen Ted since 2002. He and his son Scott, who was ten at the time, trained in our dojo for about nearly two years.

Ted was a big man physically. He weighed at least 300 pounds and he stood around 6 foot tall. Aside from his appearance, Ted was easy to remember, as he was appreciative and respectful and had a big personality. Ted was someone who gave back to the dojo anyway he could. Ted was there for landscaping days, karate compai's, beach workouts and when we put a new roof on the Museum building next door, Ted was there to help. He gave us a day of his time to lean in and get the job done.

Even as big as he was, his kata reflected grace and precision. I don’t know why he stopped training but according to his wife, Mary, he never did stop the practice of his kata.

I told Mary we would be there on Wednesday at 3:00PM and we were.

To be continued. 

So we went to the beach. On a whim Don decided to take me out,not to Jetty Park but a side road off Taft St., south of Sunseed Co-op., a little cozy beach about 8 or 10 blocks north of the Cocoa Beach Peer.

 

It was late in the day, 6 PM-ish. A messy bunch of spilled spicy cheese doodles lead to the board walk. 

I said to Don: "Euuuuew! That looks like an alligator had a case of the runs and dumped these noodle like rods"!

Don turned around looked at the mess, stooped over, picked one up, sniffed it and then licked it and said:

"I think they are cheese doodles".

 

Then he gave another one a lick and said:

"Nope these are too hot and spicy for that".

 

I couldn't help but to yell another:

"Euuuuuuuuuew"!

 

Next we walked towards the beach and we are now on the board walk. Either side of the boardwalk had srailing and was surrounded by green leaves/ sea grapes and an odd plant with 4 or 5 tiny white petals. The sea grapes produced a multitude of hard green berries. Another plant had only one red berry. I just felt like  the red berry had to be picked. This was difficult for me as there were bunches of thorns to navigate thru. I managed to grab it and I handed it to Don  and he squished it a little between his fingers.

 

I yelled at Don: 

"Don't eat it! It could be poisonous"!

 

He set it on the side rail for a squirrel. Don hates squirrels.

 

As we walked on the beach and got as close to the ocean without getting wet, we looked around. We saw a family of four on our right just 50 feet away on the shore line and to our left, about the same distance two bikini clad women. Small back bikini's ample flesh showing.

 

The bikini clad women had tramp stamps on their lower backs clearly visible and their backsides spilling out the underside of the black bottoms, exposing panti-lobes! Originally, we spotted them sitting in the water in beach chairs that had no legs. The water was lapping over them and all of a sudden they stood up and ran to their beach blanket on the dry sand near us to light up cigarettes and then return to the semi sub-merged chairs! As they were lighing up, that's when we got a good glimpse of the lower back tattoos and panti-lobes!!!

 

I said to Don:

"I wish we had brought our beach chairs. I feel really tired and I just want to put my feet up. Maybe we could just lay on the sand?"

 

I was hesitant to even say that because I am so finicky about getting sandy. No sooner had I said the words lay on the sand, when Don flopped himself on his back in a completely relaxed "dead man pose"!

 

Once again, I was shocked by his odd behaviour. No way would I do what he did as there were some shells and cigarette buts in the sand so I took my time and brushed the surface and then laid my big beach hat on the sand and carefully laid down next to him, my head protected by the beach pillow I created out of my big floppy beach hat.

 

As we lay there looking up at the sky, Don placed his man purse under his head as a pillow. The ocean air felt good and the blue sky with layers of fast moving could's made for an interesting view. We were in heaven on earth!

 Any time we are out in nature Don likes to talk and let me see the world thru his eyes!

 He said:

"The darker clouds are closer to us and we may indeed get rained on but that would be nice, however, I doubt that will happen as the rain water in those clouds will disappear before they even get to us".

 

A few birds fluttered by squawking.

Don said:

"I wonder what they are talking about". 

 

I said:

"They are probably cranky because they haven't had dinner yet. Let's go eat".

 

I knew we were going to the Sunrise Diner for some Greek food and split a beer and that thought made it impossible for me to stay put.  I sat up and then Don sat up and we dusted ourselves off and ran to the car laughing as we made a game of winner gets to the car first.

 

I let Don win and he had to wait me. He waited patiently by the passenger side to hold the door for me when I finally arrived.

 

Since I slowed down, I got to notice the red grape was still on the railing and the trail of spicy cheese doodles were unmoved.

 

I liked that Don was up ahead and took the time to open my door. Don can be a little goofy at times and this okay and gives me something to write about but he has that other side too and for the most part it's that other side that I focus on....otherwise, our relationship would never work.

All is well.

 

My voice is much improved but still a little raspy

My voice is much improved

but

still a little raspy....I may have

said out loud only 10 or 15 words.

Yesterday mostly writing in a

notebook and pantomime and today

I'm still trying not to talk.

We have the 4 little dragon girls @1:00 PM

Everyone who joins gets at least 3 thirty minute

sessions with me to ease them into our

on going karate classes. They are all brand

new and they joined for

6 weeks.

Don will put on his gi and I will wear my gi

and

we will work as a team.

I am making the most of this first

time ever starting a group and

then not having a voice! Interesting....huh?

Don and I are working

together. With just a gesture from me, he

follows my lead and is my voice.... if he

starts talking too much I whisper in

his ear.

We did this "team approach" for the newest girl

when she joined on Saturday...a brief

orientation of how to bow, how to sit, how

to walk

and

now today I have the 4 at 1PM to give them

a little extra help on starting the first kata.

Just 3 techniques and then yoi and then a left

and a right and a straight ahead....

Hopefully in 30 minutes we can accomplish just that.

One of the dads, a photographer, will take

a few pictures and me and Don will both

be in our gi's.

This will be interesting and hopefully enjoyable.

Just when you think you've done it all and see it

all there is a new way to do something you've always done!

Relaxing and enjoying the surrender!

:  )

So far so good.

No way are we retireing!

Instead of full on work, work, work followed by sleep and then up and at it again, we are now into part time doing what we've always done and making a point to have a date night at least once a week. The other night my husband and I drove to a local beach and stopped at a health food store and then a late dinner with a side of cold beer at Appelbee's. What fun!
Interestingly a friend of ours was helping the cashier bag our groceries and my husband, the meticulous man that he is was searching for his wallet to prove that he was indeed 70 and qualified for the senior discount. Our friend the "sassy" Cutie who was helping with the bagging said: "You don't need to look at his id, just look at him". Fortunately me and my husband have a great sense of humor and we took it as silly fun. If she had said that to me, a few years younger than my husband, chances are I would have been offended. It was a wonderful moment to laugh and I am forever impressed how easily things roll right off my mate!
Next after emptying the organics into the cooler in the trunk we pointed for Jetty park.

The two of us hand in handed headed right for the jetty and as we walked the jetty, I snuggled up to my husband. We were in step and snuggling. Two white haired people enjoying a stroll in the twilight. This woman run up behind us and said: "I just took a video of you two. If you give me your email, I'll send it to you. You are the cutest couple. How long have you been in love?" My husband replied: "25 years!" Ha! I thought we have only been married for 16 but I didn't correct him. This is my new thing....I just let him be.
Well the nice lady showed us the video, me in my faded blue jeans and him in his elastic waste band pants both of us wearing old shirts, me a tank and him an old white short sleeved. I took one look at the video and I couldn't help myself. I said, "Geeeeeeeezzzzzzzz that looks like two old gay guys walking on the jetty"!
Well she never got my email and that's okay as I saw enough!
Next stop was Applebee's. Our new thing is we split one beer to be festive and gay. Well the waiter brought two mugs as this was a two for one night. Don enjoyed shrimp and I enjoyed the ribs. We kept the laughter and the conversation going all the way home. We ended the night with a hug and promise to stop at Publix's tomorrow for some Kefir! There is something to be said about the comfort of growing old together.

 

"You have brains in your head.
 You have feet in your shoes.
 You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."
                                                    CAT IN THE HAT

Car stuff.
I am the owner of a 2008 Nissan Altima, red! This car has not even 50,000 miles on it. It is a dream car. Great for trips and around town. A few months ago, I noticed a sloching noise like a boat that is docked, when I park the car or make a turn. I thought maybe it's because the car's tank was almost empty. But this was a new sound. I mentioned it to my x-race car husband and he didn't think it anything to worry about. Well today we were in the car and he was driving. He rarely drives my car. He parked it and we both heard the sloching sound. I said: "Thats' because the 20 gallon tank is more than 1/2 empty right? He said: "No. That's water". I said: "What? How can water get in the car?" He repied: "It's in the door." Without another word, he took action and opend my car door and shook it and then he grabbed the rubber seal on the bottom and created a small opening. Water strarted pouring out. It's a beautiful thing to be married to someone who can diagnose things and then fix them. Well it's not fixed and chances are it never will be but at least we no what's going on and I can mention it to the dealer next time we get it for a check up. :  )

My wild adventure out of town for a few days!

I had been tossing around the idea ofafter nearly 40 years hanging up my belt
andI just needed some time away to think. Don said go for it.

Just 4 nights and 5 days. Here goes:

Tallahassee is up scale and Gainesville not so much.

I preferred Gainesville

and

one full day there to run was plenty for me.

However, the buildings in Tally are old and historic and the

vistas like the covered bridge and duck ponds would take your

breath away.

 

One unusual thing I noticed was every single person with corse black

hair that I saw in Tally had a style that was miticulously manicured

with beautiful corn rolls. Magnificent!

The people in Tally dressed well and super helpful. I mostly saw working

people. 

Tally has a Hare Krishna group. I tried to find their "Higher Taste" restaurant

run by the Hare Krishnas. Google pointed us to their restaurant, in a strip mall,

a small store next to a momma poppa organic

market but the space was empty and the note stuck on the door said it was out

of business sooooo with a little follow thru I called

the number on the door only to find

that now they only deliver!

:  (  

No thank you! :  )

The best restaurant of the whole trip for me was the Sweet Pea Cafe.

I got the tempe rubin sandwhich....it was the best

meal of my trip and only $6.50!

:  )

My friend didn't like the atmosphere at the hippy run Sweet Pea, so we got take outs

and went to a park

she suggested a picnic table by the lake.

We had a choice of 4 picnic tables and it took her 15 minutes to

realize that there was a homeless person just two

picnic tables away....I told her she needed to get out

more to the other side of the tracks.

:  )

 My friend is into prissy stuff, way worse than me!

(She thought the hippy place was dirty and noisy....) 

The day before I took her to

Applebees for lunch and that made her happy!

:  )

Other than restaurants my Tally friend showed me some trails in the woods

and a covered bridge and her favorite "clean well lite

place"....an organic food market with nice lightning and

spa music....Much like Publics only with a

night club feel! hahahaha...I'm sure the prices reflected

the decor! As do the prices at Publixs

:  )

On a social note, my friend drove me to her friends house and we chatted

the afternoon away. This is a friend she's had for 40 years (all her

friends are into spiritual material-ism...."this book to

this workshop...to this church" all the latest in the spiritual world....people are the same

everywhere you go! I'm starting to believe that. Same conversations

where I live.)

her friend gave me the "oneness blessing"!

:  )

It's some kind of movement from India that some "movie

stars" promote....sorta like the hugging saint  or the

guy that does gazzing but different

very different and 

my friends friend told us that the head guy of the movement

gives workshops and certificates so you don't have to 

fly to India to recieve the blessing.

:  )

Then people have oneness pot lucks at their house...kinda

like my parents did back in the 50's saying the rosary together...odd but kinda'

nice to receive the calming blessing of hands on the head.

I stayed open and I am still enjoying the after effects!

 

My time in Tally one day and 1 night...I stayed at my friends Town house and

her home is lovely and I had time and space

(my very own bedroom and bathroom with a real bathtub). Everything

was super clean and I had time to

do my morning routine un-interrupted. Tally was great.

Just the one night.

Next I pointed home and broke up the trip as I planned

two nights and one afternoon and full day in Gainesville.

I fell in love with

The owner of the airbnb and had a little dog.

He had 16 outstanding reviews and

although he is a guy....I trusted my gut and I was right! Fabulous experience.

:  ) Both he and his dog were young, friendly and  intelligent.

He seemed to really be interested that I would find everything I needed.

His motto "Me cassa is su cassa"! I had my own bathroom

and my own bedroom....I didn't do kata there but I did meditate

and do my morning written pages.

Gainesville has a few libraries and a farmers market and many

vegan options....and unusual 2nd hand places to shop.

I found the Hare Krishna lunch spot at the

University...great! (Both my son and my x said it's a must do experience,,,

the lunch was awful but I met a woman and we bonded...she was a

grad student there and we exchanged similar stories about early

retirement....she gave me her contact info...funny but she is only

58 and I thought she was way older than me!...but she was extremely

colorful and I adore her.)

The one day I had there in Gainesville...all day Wednesday...I made

7 or 8 stops at different places I wanted to see. 

I lolly gagged all around the town from 9 AM to 7 PM.

Thank god I have a car and a GPS!

The high point of the experience was my trip to the Gainesville

Dojo.

I met with the owner and the experience was a culture shock.

It hit me so hard...in fact the whole trip hit me so hard that

I am now rethinking the idea of closing the karate school and retire-ing.

I remembered how much I like teaching and all that jazz!

The Shihan/Hanshi runs his 5,500 sq foot

building and includes many other disciplines...it was wild.

This is the old website and the old location the new website is being renovated

with youtube links and other high tech stuff....it is a college town after all

and the Sensei has a student who does state of the art teck

stuff and hosts his website. http://www.gainesvilledojo.net/

Welcome to the new world..even old classics get retouched.

on a similar note:

The owner of the airbnb I stayed at in Gainesville

said my WWW.Senseiforhire.com site looks like the year 2000.

Interesting. He's 25 and I value his opinion. He has his own

tech company and a degree in engineering and sells his own apps

and

teaches Salsa at the college! He is so cute!

:  )

I felt like a bird out of a cage in Gainesville for a

whole entire day to follow my whims.

 I just did and went and saw and stayed in the

moment enjoying the natives and gaining lots and lots of info. about

Gainesville and about myself and where I am headed at age 67.

I estimate that I have maybe 30 or 40 more years to fill on the earth plane.

I returned yesterday morning.

I came back to attend my Thursday night group...a courses in miracles.

After coming back:

At the top of my list is re-doing my website.

I am not sure who to contact or what I want it to look like

but I do have a friend who knows something and my plan

is to first call the host site about tools and then

keep searching for some new ideas. I am so ready to begin again. 

That being said...I am still on my leave of absense and I will return

to "work" on Monday!

Enough for now! 

:  )

"It's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard rain....a gonna' fall!"

Bob Dylan

Yesterday I wanted to take a walk around Rotary Park with

Don.

He had to wait for me to get ready.

By the time I had my walking shoes on Don said

as he looked out the window:

"It's looking overcast"

and

I said:

"We can cancel"

He said:

"No. We are going to walk."

 

He took my hand and we went.

It was cold and a little dark for 1:30 PM

and

there was a light drizzle...not too bad.

We were both wearing big wide brimmed staw hats!

It felt good to hold his hand.

I know in India it is offensive for a man and woman

to hold hands....but he not only held my hand

he also put his arm around me as we walked

as I didn't have a jacket on

and

being close to him....I felt warm. Very nice!

 

Mostly we were silent walking briskly around the

jogging path. It took about 10 minutes (half mile).

and then

after leaving the park crossing Tropical Trail,

Don looked up at the sky and said:

"See those dark clouds up there. They are pretty

low in the sky."

I said:

"What do you mean? It's raining over there?"

He said:

"Yup and it's heading towards us."

I said:

"Really?"

We walked a little faster.

Now inside our house, I looked out the back door

and saw the rain.

Excitedly I called him to look.

First it was just regular rain kind of a medium burst

and in a few seconds...full on downpour, followed by

a power outage....hahahahaha...we just missed it.

It would have been horrible to get soaked but we just missed it

and

then the lights went out, the fans went out and best of all

the TV went out.

After gloating on our good fortune, Don took a nap and I 

read a book. All really is well.

You never know who's listening.

So today at the local thrift store that I visit several times a week and donate to on a regular basis, I over heard a conversation on the next isle. A big biker type male in his late 40's with Santa hair and a z z top white beard held up a black man tailored shirt with white buttons that had
in red, the words:

The intimidator

embroidered above the pocket the words
The intimidator
also embroidered on the sleeve the number

3

The man spoke rather loudly to what appeared to me to be his wife and his son, who were looking through
the rack of men's shirts. He said, "Do you know what this is? This is a collector idem."
Then he proceeded to put his arms in the sleeves. He continued:
"This shirt is a Dale Earnhart shirt. He was the greatest race car driver that ever lived. He was the number 3. They called him the intimidator."

His wife looked at him and said:
"That shirt doesn't fit you!"
I looked him in the eye across the aisle and I just made a face like something smelt funny and I shook my head. Then I went back to my looking through the hangers on my isle.
He kept talking to his wife and son and whoever else could hear:
"If you bought this shirt on eBay's, it would cost you easily 50 bucks." Even though there was a 12 inch gap to button the front panel and he could barely pull the sleeves off his arms, he took it off and tucked it under his arm and said:
"I'm buying it. It's mine!"
I didn't look up. I didn't say a word, I just went about my business. I knew that shirt real well. I bought it there last year and took off all the buttons and bought the right size shinny white ones to replace the old beige ones. I removed the old buttons and sewed on 12 new buttons and I sewed an extra piece of perfectly matching black cotton where the elbows are in the arms to make the sleeves longer because that was a boy's shirt and I made it to fit me! Ha! No way was I going to converse with him and tell him all that.. You never know who's listening. It was really fun for me that he spoke well of that black shirt! Made my day!